I m trying to write this post from last couple of days...every time i pick my laptop and try to write something, my son Vihaan cries for one or the other reason...sometimes it is change of diaper, sometimes it is feeding, and sometimes it is just a bad dream...even today , I started to work on this piece early in morning but was able to reach to a point in the evening...life has suddenly become busy...and i will confess a lot tiring.., I feel exhausted all day long. Most of the days it is an endless cycle of cleaning poop-feeding-putting him to sleep. he is so tiny right now to respond to anything...folks tell me that this all will change in a month or 2, till then you have to follow this cycle...well this is what i a doing right now.
Things are lot better now, initially after my delivery i was so freaked out that I was not able to sleep at night , all night long I used to just look at my tiny baby, thinking that what if i sleep and this tiny little adorable thing chokes, how will i know.. its crazy but I love my baby so much that i don't want anything bad to happen...I know this is an extreme case of paranoia..
Currently to me motherhood is:
Prioritizing needs of my baby above mine.
Feeling exhausted all the time.
Being confined to a room all day long.
Thinking so much while eating anything, whether a particular stuff will my suit my baby or not.
Endless cycle of diapering, cleaning, feeding, putting baby to sleep, soothing my cranky baby.
Looking at his innocent face when he is sleeping and feeling a wave of calmness passing through me
Wetting my eyes when he smiles back at me.
Feeling on the top of the world when he recognizes my touch .
Every now and then realizing that I m a mother now.