Motherhood- Holy guacamole

Motherhood-Holy Guacamole

 When people tell you that it's the right time to have a baby, they are talking about your body and your age, but it's not just that. It's not just the age that matters while you are planning to have a baby, it's a mix of many things. Physical health, psychic component, right perspective about life is what all needs to be in place. 

Everyone knows that being a mother is not that easy, it demands a lot, after all, you have a life to nurture, to take care of, to teach about life and it's doings. It demands selfless love- literally.

 You need to be healthy to take care of your child. Health is wealth and who so ever had said that surely knew the blessing of a healthy life. If you are not well, you cannot give your 100 percent and wearing the motherhood shoes demands a lot of running around, and most of the time it is a one-legged race and the shoes are pretty heavy ones,

It is like juggling things, and the stuff you are busy juggling is most precious and delicate, and you cannot miss out any of it, all of it is very very important.

 I read a quote somewhere "I don't want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband" yes it's true. It will be you burning the nights and not expected to let the smoke out, you will have to keep it contained inside, initially, you do it but then it's not humanly possible, and some day it will just explode, fill up the air between you and your spouse and suffocate you guys unless one of you opens the window and lets the fresh air in so that you can breathe and see each other clearly again like you used to till the time the hypnotism is shaken off by a shrill baby cry and you rush again to the farthest corner of the room . It definitely is straining for the couples. 

It teaches you the intricate art of doing things with one hand because the other hand is busy holding the baby. 

Your social circles takes a toss:

 Your friend pings you; wanna grab a cup of coffee at 3.00 

You: yeah sure, oh no its baby's nap time, maybe some other time. 

Friend: Hey I was in your town, and you didn't call me up ( happened with me last week) 

You: Oh yeah, sorry, baby had a loose gut, so all I was doing was diaper change, diaper in bin, baby in cot, one more bout, then again diaper change, diaper in bin, baby in cot, one more bout, then again diaper change, diaper in cot, baby in bin....wait a second, did I say baby in bin? Aarrghhh....I am stressed out :( I hope you understand. 

Seriously when I am going out, my bag is full and loaded with baby wipes, diapers, extra clothing, baby food, water ....my stuff...I don't even know where I kept my shades, my wrist watch...phew who needs them anymore :o

 You are so tired to change into anything while going out and wearing yoga pants seems the best possible option and you have no complaints about that. Style quotient goes on a vacation :)

 Off diaper time is a warm jet of freshly brewed pee on your face, ahh! Refreshing. 

And when finally your baby is fast asleep, you are exhausted, you look like a drug addict...but then you marvel at the beauty, the innocence, the calmness on his face, your heart overflows with love, your eyes brim up with tears, you feel a lump in your throat and kiss that face and you thank God for the sweetest gift and if by any chance baby wakes up again..you are dead!! mind it...nobody should disturb a sleeping baby..

It's like that!!

A Prayer

Sometimes there is a lot going on inside,

A sea of questions surging high in a full moon night, calm otherwise but on certain nights, it surges high! Gently pulled but harshly pushed by silver glistening moonlight

A rolling thunder far far away, but loud enough to give you jitters,

A hurricane, mighty enough to cause an upheaval of otherwise well-tamed emotions.

When there is so much happening Inside, what do you do?

I PRAY!!

Budget Diaries - Bye bye Maid (Project Cleaning the house without a Maid)

Budget Diaries - Bye bye Maid

 (Project Cleaning the house without a Maid) 

 I have always made a list of things, penned down the ways I can smartly manage my home budget, cut down the unnecessary expenses and run the house efficiently, in spite of all the analysis, I have always ended up spending more and that too many times on trivial things. And now New Year has again pushed me to not just dot the I’s and cross the T's but to actual take steps in the right direction and get some tangible results. 

So to begin with my first smart move (although Akash is not convinced that this is a smart move because he thinks it is fugacious, that I won't be able to keep up with it and I am exhausting myself physically) was to bid farewell to my maid, who was with me since 1 1/2 year! I was not really happy with her work and was constantly annoyed the way she did stuff around the house, it seemed she used to gambol round the room rather than cleaning, there was no probity in her demeanour, that's why instead to getting annoyed and sabotaging my mental peace I said ¡Adios! to her. 

I will be saving some money and cleaning more efficiently off course! That was the first move....and I am really really happy, and as of now my spirit is indefatigable!

What is life?

Tonight, as I write this post, I hear the clinking of the spoon in the kitchen, Akash is brewing coffee for me, It was a request from me for a cup of hot coffee... 

This clicking sound takes me far deeper in my thoughts, and I think, what is life?

It is being born

Being loved my your family

Making friends

falling in love

having to undergo heart breaks

sulking about being treated unfairly

Falling in love again

dreaming of a future

setting up  goals

working hard for achieving your goal

then realizing that not all your goals were realistic

feeling depressed

getting married

those initial years when love is in the air :)

having a baby

then everything about the baby, all the time baby baby  baby

ouch! occasional skirmishes over the baby

Well, that's what is happening in here right now ;)

My coffee is brewed and absolutely ready...I am going to gulp it down, lie in the arms of my sweetheart, close my eyes, and stop the tape that is playing out in my head, that says, "what is life? :)

Good night!!

The day I chose to "Just be" Myself

It seemed as if a bunch of stray cats had barged in my house and ransacked everything. There were toys all the floor, a tea cup lying on the table, spilled tea all over the tablecloth, some had already trickled down on the floor, pile of washed clothes that I had gathered from the cloth line were lying in a heap on the dining table as well, house was a total mess, 

It happened twice that I pulled myself together to clean everything up, but every time I tried doing so, Vihaan would come and scatter toys all over again and then run towards the farthest end of the room,  it seemed to me as if he was enjoying all of it, he had sensed my distress and was trying to be funny, maybe to cheer me up...I left everything there as it is and curled myself up on our pistachio green couch, just like a ball of fur, I lay there motionless....there was an invisible compulsive thread that seemed to pull my feet forward, trying to make me stand again and clear the mess, but a more strong, invincible thread pulled my back more deeper into the couch, not letting me go. 

That's when I simply, chose to just be, let things be the way they are, toys all over, spilled tea on the floor, and the heap of clothes on the table, I called Vihaan and the little one just came running towards me with full of energy....we both lay there playing our favourite game, "This little  piggy"

Sometimes it just feels great to not take the load of everything around, and sometimes "messy people are the happy  people "

Around here.....`

It is 11.45 am, I grab my house keys, quickly adjust the strap of my hazel brown satchel and in four long strides cover the distance from my apartment on 2nd floor to the ground floor. I run my fingers through my dishevelled hair, trying to neat them up a bit, but I am not convinced so I tie my hair up in a messy bun.

Outside the main gate, there is chaos everywhere, both the sides are chocked up with tightly packed vehicles. I don't want to breath in the anger, frustration, and range of the commuters so I move ahead as fast as I can even though it is hurting  me in the right foot, still I move on....I don't want to imbibe this negativity and chaos on the road, negativity is contagious.

The normally calm and serene boulevard is messy today, there are land diggers, cranes and concrete mixers all  working simultaneously....I get miffed , I was not expecting this totally uncalled for change in the otherwise calm surroundings, I drift my thoughts, actually TRY to do so.....glance upwards and see a beautiful balcony decked with flowers,  chic planters and dangling climbers, freely floating in the air....a wind chime going swish-swash....somewhere my mind travels back to garden in Delhi,  how beautiful it used to be, my mornings and afternoons spent in those days, flowers, fragrances, bees, butterflies.....and I sigh deeply....I pick my pace up and enter the building....habitually press the 1st floor and wait impatiently....it opens up, I move out ....press the doorbell....and when the door opens up, I see my cheeky monkey grinning , he rushes towards me with excitement and joy, throws his arms up....I pick him up and two of us return home all giggling and smiling  :)

Around Here-Calming my mind

Around here-Calming my mind

Immersed in silent contemplation, thinking about life in general, my course, motherhood, and what's coming ahead!!  Like the weather outside, my semblance also seems to be soggy, muggy !! may be it is the effect of the weather, can be!!  After all I tend to gravitate towards nature, It definitely affects my selfhood, my epseity!!

I feel I am not doing a great job of documenting 365 days of Vihaan, well it's not*- that this feeling is recent, it keeps happening to me ever so often, sporadically, I go down the hill!!  why?? because mind (brain) is never at rest..... thinking all the time...or to put it precisely...it's on auto thinking mode....made up of some billion of  neurons, that are ever so excitable, working tirelessly, transmitting impulses (Thoughts) among each other...some times excited...sometimes sad....sometimes pepped up...transmitting signals effectively....sometimes delayed and bit laid back...but working 24/7!!

so while I am in this auto thinking mode, Vihaan is playing nearby, busy with his toys but also checking on me every few minutes...and smiling.... intoxicating my senses with his loveliness !!

I close my eyes...try to free calm my mind, my neurons for a brief time period, I chose to sit in the Padma asana (Lotus pose) and  I bring my palm together, in the Namaskar pose, thanking almighty, the supreme lord, for the sanity still  left in me, for the hope that is baffled but persistent in the existence...submersed in the gratitude surrounded the cool air by the continuously rotating ceiling fan, that sets the otherwise still air in the room into the motion, housed by the walls painted in the shade of chrysanthemum 4002, I feel a light tug at my right elbow, it's Vihaan, I open my eyes and for a brief moment I feel disoriented...Vihaan is looking at me with curious face...he has not seen me like this before, i know I am done for the day :)

Sun is setting, far far away, in the valley... the cattles may have come back by themselves..

it is a warm evening and both of us are pleasantly tired with our day long chores, I fill the Vihaan's bathing tub with cool fresh water, he gently and happily immerses his right foot into the cool clear water,  I see the visible excitement on his face and I pray

May he always be a happy chirpy soul!!

Around Here

Empty spaces, hollow voices, sweat beads crumpled on my upper lip and very uneasy restless me! That’s who I am lately!! Ever since I have returned from Kashmir....  I wake up unrefreshed from my sleep, for many hours I am insomniac and if at all I fall asleep then it is light and disturbed!! 

Everyday I open my laptop to write something but the moment I start, I feel the coldness of my fingers freezing the words , not letting them flow free,  they leave the fingers and loose their essence midway, rendering the thoughts lifeless, meaningless!! 

With disappointment I close the flap and retire to my couch, staring back again in the empty spaces, trying to listen to the hollow voices!!  I will bounce back I know, sooner or later, it’s just a phase I tell myself!! And I wipe away the beads of sweat from my upper lip!!