161-186/365 and life lately

161-186/365

I don't know from where to start, It has been a whole month and I haven't blogged, haven't clicked many pictures, life has happened pretty fast here!!

Firstly, My little boy has started his day care for an hour, yes!! he spends an hour without me at his day care, an hour!! Ahh!! when I say that, I feel a little sink in my heart, a flutter, how that happened, how we both transitioned, and how nicely both of us are doing it!!  You enjoy being there, initially you did cry and so did I, silently behind the locked door in the corridor, we both felt a piece of our heart being taken away, but then soon things turned around, that tells me ,you are my big beaming boy and I am your strong mamma , God bless you.

secondly, I am back to work again :)    .....yes!! and that's the reason why I am not getting to blog lately, I will figure out how to run the show, how to manage my time effectively so that everything gets due attention but for now I am struggling to find time to click pictures and blog, and it breaks my heart a tiny bit, we both were doing a great job of capturing our precious, loving moments, Trust me we will bounce back soon, pretty soon, till then please bear with me !!

Around Here

Empty spaces, hollow voices, sweat beads crumpled on my upper lip and very uneasy restless me! That’s who I am lately!! Ever since I have returned from Kashmir....  I wake up unrefreshed from my sleep, for many hours I am insomniac and if at all I fall asleep then it is light and disturbed!! 

Everyday I open my laptop to write something but the moment I start, I feel the coldness of my fingers freezing the words , not letting them flow free,  they leave the fingers and loose their essence midway, rendering the thoughts lifeless, meaningless!! 

With disappointment I close the flap and retire to my couch, staring back again in the empty spaces, trying to listen to the hollow voices!!  I will bounce back I know, sooner or later, it’s just a phase I tell myself!! And I wipe away the beads of sweat from my upper lip!!

A fleeting moment - Thank you note :)

Last night , late late at night, a girl not so happy seemed to be emerging from my core,  leaving  my chest...evaporating into the air all around me...she turned to face me, looked me into the eye....and  I saw a pang of sadness in her perfect orb shaped twin eyes.

Her face pale as left over milk, her heaving heart that barely seems to be beating, her dry cyanotic lips, her clouded mind... chaotic with so many prophetic queries.... and I wondered why?? 

 I looked at her with those probing inquisitive eyes, and exactly at that very precise moment she smiled faintly, opened her mouth and said to me:

Tonight,I am nothing but your imagination,  a sham, a story book, a chimerical unfounded  nebulous entity, a pure figment of your and only your imagination  "Thank you " for liberating me !! For You have worked real hard to make me what I am today, and I am so glad you made me a Phantasmal blue-sky!!

Time, letting go, and change!!

Not just the momentarily uplifted mood but the sustained effect, or to say correctly all day long sustained release of the contentment and happiness!! There was an unnecessary upheaval going on in my mind….tottering my peace of mind, making me tired and gloomy by the end of the day…. That’s when I started to read “Book of women” ~ Osho, it is a great book indeed…it cleared many cobwebs in my mind….and when cobwebs are removed, the light enlightens the soul, gives a clear visibility to the eyes….your vision changes from being myopic to much wider!!

There is time for everything…time for loneliness, time for solitude, time for celebrations, time for introspection, time for letting be, time for gathering the pieces of the what is left, time for moving on!! And what’s more important is to understand the subtle hints of time, telling you silently to change with it…

when you see a peony, it’s large, often fragrant flowers, filling the air with its fragrance, you know it's spring and when you see the beautiful pink flowers of a lotus, afloat on the top of water surface, while the roots are deep in the soil in bottom, you know its summer, you rely on your knowledge, on your instincts to know when is the time for what!!

You should know when it is the time to embrace the change gracefully, like unfolding petals of a flower that embraces the wind….even if the fact remains that wind might embrace the flower so passionately that it might blow the petals away….into the air…

On a lighter note, We (I and Josna) had been on a day out, just two of us on Saturday…kids were taken care by their respective dad’s while the two of us shared some lighter moments over a cup of coffee and iced tea…it was a break for both of us…break from our routine and I must confess I forgot about whom I was for those 2 ½ hours…the conversation was about life in general, our future goals, how we want to see our life in say next 2-3 years and how to focus on good things in life!!  In all the effortless thread of communication, we forgot to click a picture of us...the memorable picture!! anyhow I am saving that memory here in my post forever!!

Around here

Still trying to figure out what I am…still in the process of defining my life, I try to do so many things, yet I fail to complete them…I begin with so much enthusiasm and fail to  take it till the end…that’s me…over enthusiastic me…ludicrous me…

Today while cleaning the cupboard, I found this amazing book and I wondered why?? Why had I left it halfway…I should have completed it…read it through…so here I am reading it again… 

Few amazing lines that I read today:

“ and it is a very simple fact that the more you know, the less you wonder….

As you grow older, you lose the sensitivity for wonder, you become more and more dull…but the reason for it is that now you know everything. You know nothing, but your mind is full of borrowed knowledge, and you have not ever thought that underneath it is nothing but darkness and ignorance…” –Osho, the book of woman.

Today-liberated me

When I woke up this morning ,I felt better...much lighter..and like any other usual morning my mind was up and It had already made a to-do list for the day ahead, and was in a planning mode, on the execution, while I was still wrapped up in my sheets...Even though my Mind was already on the working mode, body was not ready to get up and get going, it was asking for a snooze button, for 5 more minutes...so i listened to my body.

My thoughts drifted to my last night's post, "feeling lost", I know it was all complains...but then again, i have to be honest to my space here...it has to be real me, and I must confess I too have my weak moments...i too go down hill some days...become too self centered at times... but then It's not in my fiber to be like that for long...I vent out, I complain and I move on...

 I am learning, learning to have a bigger heart...learning to accept things gracefully, learning to let go easily..to not focus on "I" all the time, rather on "us", it's like playing Hopscotch square, You hop from square to square tossing the stone without touching the boundaries and if you do so, you are out, you loose it...

Similarly At times you lose your patience while dealing with day to day issues and when you do so, you break down, but then you should not stop just there, you should try again, yearn for a better performance next time without losing your patience!!

That's me...honest me...and today -liberated me :)

Restless like an ever flowing river!!

Lately I have been feeling as if my body is like an abandoned temple...as if I have left it and moved on...I don't pay any attention to it...I don't stop for a while...close my eyes, chant some prayers, I don't light up a lamp, or any incense to thank it!! I am so lost...so lost that sometimes I feel that my life is a selflessly flowing river...charting it's own course...bending when it's needed, bifurcating when required... overcoming every barrier... not stopping, not resting , just flowing day and night...!!


And because of not resting, I have been experiencing this sharp persistent pain in my legs!! As if they are trying to tell me something, trying to bring my attention to them...pleading for some rest, telling me that I am not being fair...crying out loud!! I think I have restless legs syndrome...Its not that I am gravitating towards this weirdly funny name but some of the symptoms are there...night pain, sleeplessness and all...treatment is relaxation, massage, sticking to a sleep schedule...well I am not sure whether I can do all this or not...why?? because I am like a river...not stopping, not resting , just flowing day and night...!!

Isn't it strange...you don't understand life completely, or even remotely, but you still love it, well I do...it's like being in a "havan" a ritual in which offerings are made into the holy fire while sacred chants are recited by the learned holy men...who tend to know more about life and it's complexities than you do, or they pretend to know...you don't understand a thing...the meaning of the chants...people tell you it's to be performed in a particular way because it is described so in the vedas.. when you ask why??, they have no answer to it...or they try to convince you by justifying certain  things...sometimes you take that ..and sometimes you don't...but you like it...the kindling of the sacred fire, it's warmth, you like the scent of the herbs, aroma emanating from the fire...you like the resonance, the echo of the sacred chants...it stirs something deep inside you...and you like being a part of it...you feel moved!!

that's life...

Around here ...

Around here, I am capturing the beauty through my lens before the flowers wilt away, saving the last glimpse of the wonderful nature and keeping it safe in my memories, here in my blog, a beautiful reminder of our anniversary day!!

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Around here, I am thinking how time is flying by...how Vihaan has grown from a tiny sampling into a blooming flower...with his first birthday just around the corner..how quickly has he grown in a couple of months...how charming he has become...

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Around here, I am learning the art of cooking, and cooking with all my heart, pouring out my love for my family, serving the wonderful delights and cherishing the simple moments!!

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Around here, I am learning to keep calm, let go of certain things that are beyond our control, trying to stop being a control freak all the time, trying to let things be scattered on the floor, trying to let the room be messy for a while, trying to stop and sit down for a while, rest for a while if I don't feel like doing the chores at that very moment, trying not to be hard on myself for not being able to manage everything perfectly :)

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Around here, I am hoping to keep blogging everyday, sharing my thoughts about my life, about life in general, about things around while I am away, away to people that love us dearly, that are waiting to hold and love Vihaan!!


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Around here, I am writing this post with the wind chime melody in the background, with the caressing breeze gently blowing my hair in the air,  with a very strange but soothing wave of comfort filling my heart!!

Around here....and just here...

Wedding Anniversary-4th year

Fourth year... and it feels as if I have been with you from ages, feels like I had to be with you only and no one else, feels inseparable...

Look how beautiful memories we made yesterday,  I see these pictures and I fall in love with you all over again... 

I had been planning for this photo shoot from quiet some time,I had been shopping online for our special outfits... taking time everyday... meticulously choosing our accessories, your bow tie, my white dress...the props..

 I had planned that we won't go out for a lunch, or dinner or just for a cup of coffee, we won't go out for shopping, we will stay at home and make some good memories over a cup of ordinary yet Sapid tea made by you ;), we will spend some exceptional time at home,  after all home is where my heart is, where you are , where my family is..


We spent close to some 2-3 hours in our photo shoot, tripod photography, it was like throwing a ball from one end and running to the other end to catch it...but we enjoyed, every shot, every click, every chase ;)

I love you my dear darling husband and I wish to be with you till the end of time, for I have planned many many more, crazy, wacky, funny, loving photo shoots with you for years to come...

Here's to our 4 years of togetherness as Husband & wife....cheers!!

PS:Photography credit goes to my husband Akash, and also to our tripod ;)for it wouldn't have been possible without you !!

Special Thanks to the "Wellness team" Akash's team at office for the scrumptious, heavenly, mouthwatering cake!!  It was a great surprise and we absolutely loved it :)!!

Bidding farewell to Jovial January

It indeed was a Jovial January for us, family of 3 happy souls!!

We loved, We laughed, We prayed, We thanked, We cherished, &

We had our moments of sadness, disagreements, and arguments also, and it's fair enough because all 3 of us have our own individuality and we respect that for sure...all is fair in love, family love!!

Vihaan learned to express himself better this January,he figured out the way to go out of the apartment, he knows we are going out when we put on our shoes, he is learning fast :)

Akash and I, to put it more precisely, "I"  learned to stay happy in spite of our own differences, I learned to let go of the things that irritate me and take certain things lightly rather than taking everything to heart...well Akash already knows how to do that, he is a better "let goer", a better "happy go lucky" than me...



With all this, we finally say bye-bye to" Jovial January" and look forward to a "Fantastic February"

PS: Pic designed with PicMonkey.com

This feeling...

Something inside me melts everytime I see vihaan playing, something inside me rocks me when I see him talking to himself, making loud sounds, something inside me is making me more humble and more forgiving & all this is because of my little boy.

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What am I to him?? I have asked this question to myself God knows how many times...I don't know exactly and I know sometime later I will have the opportunity to ask Vihaan, when he will be able to understand my question,  but may be then I will choose not to ask him...It's now I need to know not later when he grows up. Whatever I say right now, I know I mean a lot to this tiny being right now and this thought ignites the fire inside me, keeps me going on.

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It was midday, Vihaan was sleeping by my side while I was changing few settings of my camera, he shook up suddenly from his sleep as if he had a real bad dream, he looked for me, he held my hand and he slept again after studying my face for few seconds. I was moved deeply...his trust on me is unfathomable, it's profound. This feeling fills me with mixed emotions, fills me with joy, with marvel, with bafflement and also to admit with little trepidity.

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Isn't this strange, we all have been through this phase once in our life, where our mother was greatest comfort for us, when even her slightest touch, her mere presence used to be everything that we ever needed, when she was our entire world.

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I think about all this...fleeting moment, as the window curtain moves with a puff of vesper, as the fleeting sunlight is casting the shadow, as it lightens the dark room for the last time for the day, before the darkness sets in .

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Blog Anniversary

3 years of  blogging!!! 

This blog is my own personal space where I  share my thoughts, my creativity and my moments of despair, and in these 3 years I have learned a lot through my blog, I never thought that I could be good at photography, writing quotes, designing my own images and so much more.... and also putting them all together nicely.

Blogging has energized me, refreshed me, it has fueled and unleashed my creativity and the person inside me, it has kept me going when things were difficult and given me inspiration and motivation when I needed. This blog has been my best friend in these 3 years :) and this blog has given me wonderful friends as well.

Thanks to Bella, lamb loves fox, and Farhuma for joining me in this journey and making it wonderful!!

This blog has beautifully treasured all my memories and the course of my life...when I look back from where I started, I see a lot better me now.

This wonderful journey is surely miles to go...happy blogging to me!!