A Prayer

Sometimes there is a lot going on inside,

A sea of questions surging high in a full moon night, calm otherwise but on certain nights, it surges high! Gently pulled but harshly pushed by silver glistening moonlight

A rolling thunder far far away, but loud enough to give you jitters,

A hurricane, mighty enough to cause an upheaval of otherwise well-tamed emotions.

When there is so much happening Inside, what do you do?

I PRAY!!

Around Here

Empty spaces, hollow voices, sweat beads crumpled on my upper lip and very uneasy restless me! That’s who I am lately!! Ever since I have returned from Kashmir....  I wake up unrefreshed from my sleep, for many hours I am insomniac and if at all I fall asleep then it is light and disturbed!! 

Everyday I open my laptop to write something but the moment I start, I feel the coldness of my fingers freezing the words , not letting them flow free,  they leave the fingers and loose their essence midway, rendering the thoughts lifeless, meaningless!! 

With disappointment I close the flap and retire to my couch, staring back again in the empty spaces, trying to listen to the hollow voices!!  I will bounce back I know, sooner or later, it’s just a phase I tell myself!! And I wipe away the beads of sweat from my upper lip!!

If I were Kalidas....

If I were kalidas, I would have written Ratridutaa instead of Meghaduta :), requesting the “Night messenger” to pass my messages to the sleep…and it would be something like this:

Oh, beloved night, you came to me riding the wings of an owl…. please pass my messages to my sleep… that roams away in the wilderness and waylays and has sought solace in being away from me!!

I miss you dearly… I am waiting for you with so many dreams in my eyes, dreams of love, and dreams of hope!!

That I am wide awake from such a long time waiting for you to shower the drops of hypnosis, so that it washes away my tiredness…

Fill my eyes with your ever lasting memory,  I am waiting for that rare moment…one that I am aching for , pining for, for I cannot bear the separation anymore.

I have long forgotten your melody, and I try to make a new one every night, in hope that it may sound pleasing to you and may be you will be pulled towards me, I will play the "Chitra veena", and even sing the "Revati Raga", may be the melody will draw you closer to me...

 I will not hold you for long, I will put off the lamps once you come and I promise to let you go as soon as the sun comes out riding its chariot driven by 7 horses… !!

Oh, beloved night, for once,  please carry these messages secretly, with utmost care and pass them to my long lost sleep…

Sleepless

Me and my sleep…each night we chase each other, We play Hide-and-go-seek where in I am always the "it", closing my eyes and counting while the sleep hides away.

sometimes like the lovers passionately in love…while I try to serenade my sleep, singing the sweet nothings, though it teases me…pretends to comes close enough to kiss me on the eyes and then just a peck and its gone…

Sometimes like the enemies…while I lay a trap so that it falls and fills the deep cavity of my eyes… it flies away leaving me wide awake and then I curse it… I pray for summer solstice to stay forever, when the days are longest and the nights are shortest.

That's me- sleepless!!

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Around here

Around here...

 I feel little woozy, ever since we returned from Jammu, Vihaan has become even more clingy...I guess he thinks that people disappear just like that...he had a lot of folks around in Jammu and the overnight change has left him bit confused...may be that's why he wants me to be around him all the time...may be he thinks that I too will disappear!! and this leaves me even more exhausted by the end of the day!!

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I seem to be losing my calm easily...I feel like a kite soaring higher in the unknown territories...and i fear!! I fear what if the thread is weak...what if wind blows me away..what if I get caught up in the branches of a tall tree...what if I fell to the ground...will I be able to fly again!! 

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Nights!! they are as usual...sleepless!! I would love if "Ratri" "The sleep goddess" would come and pay me a visit at night... I would hold her...hug her tight...if I knew how to...I would invoke, summon her through the hymns...I would offer her ghee laddu's, and lit a lamp in her honor every night!!

Sleepless

It's late at night...I am lying in the dark, my face in the shadow casted by the faint light slicing through the bedroom window... but my eyes are wide awake, watchful, quiet, and tired.

I force shut my eyes...I try to tame my mind, I try to reign it, slow it bit down...how much I wish it to listen to me and let me rest for a little while...but it doesn't. 

Tonight my mind is like a traveller riding an unruly horse, it's  like a restless river, tugging and pulling at me like an impatient child...it's like dazzling bright sunlight... blinding me...

Tonight my mind is like an afternoon breeze that beats against the temple bells, making them go to-and-fro, echoes all around, in the valley...it's like a leopard gazing with bright eyes, waiting to strike...

I don't give up...I try to drift my thoughts, try to relax my mind a bit ...

I close my eyes and I find myself surrounded by tall grass, green and refreshing to the eyes..i take off my shoes...and I move on, following the peacock screeching...I sense the mixed aroma of the mountain herbs... I feel as if I am enticed by some forest spirits...may be that's why I keep coming back to the woods, that's why I refuse to lie down,  and night after night I find myself returning to the woods, charmed by the tall tress who seem to whisper my name, lured by the shadows casted by them...I get enchanted by the melody of a gentle river who seems to be a flowing like a roll of ribbon...

My lids get heavy...I doze off!!!