Waiting.....

I don't know the exact moment when I conceived you, I wish I had....but you from that moment till this time,  you have been an inseparable part of me, we breath together,  we eat together,  and more importantly we are always together....you have grown inside me inch by inch and I have taken best possible care of you...given up most of my favourite things so that you grow up to be healthy....our relationship has been so intricate and yet I don't know how you are,  how you look and same goes for you as well, you don't know how your mother looks, what she is like.,..isn't this strange? ?  

How things change...I mean I never thought that gaining weight will be so important in life at one stage,  seeing my tummy swell will bring joy to my life...that I ll eagerly wait for my baby to kick me hard in the ribs...I would want tiny quakes to shake my belly :) and now I m ready to undergo a knife to see you, to hold you in my arms,  close to my heart...yes I have voluntarily chosen a cesarean section for delivery because I don't think I can carry out the process of normal delivery,  I m not that strong...my family understands and respects my decision.. & now as the time is approaching

I am bit anxious as to how you ll be, what that moment ll be like when we ll finally see eachother for the first time.

Journey is about to end, 9th month

..its midnight and I am wide awake, I can't seem to get my sleep....am sad for no apparent reason or maybe I m missing Akash....its my 9th month now & it has its own challenges:

I don't like to sleep alone
I seem to have a weak heart
Need assistance while getting up from my bed as my right leg sort of gives away
Frequent nightmares, if at all I fall asleep
& obviously my persistent problem, frequent trips to WC.

It was fine till mid 8th month but now as the time is progressing and my weight is increasing,  I seem to be lagging behind in terms to my daily activities...that's the reason I feel lonely even though I have people around me...but I still miss Akash....  

Apart from this sad story....the good thing is that few more weeks to go and I ll be holding a bundle of joy in my arms that will make this sad part to forget forever with his innate charm :)

8th month

In my 8th month now....I have gained a lot of weight, baby is doing fine, responding to my voice, we chit chat, we interact,  we enjoy....I feel tiny prominences plopping up in my belly every now and then, and hiccups too...tiny undercurrents shaking my belly..., feels amazing....I wish Akash was here to feel all this with me :(  I have moved to jammu for delivery, it was getting difficult to manage things alone in Delhi...Akash was paranoid about me being alone all day long at home....

7th month

It's my 7th month, apart from it's own challenges,  the feeling is wonderful...., frequent earthquakes and then the after shocks....yes that's what I feel in my swollen belly.... hahaha....food cravings at 4 in the morning...when rest of the world is sleeping,  I am to be found in my kitchen gulping down stuff :D

I am done with my hospital bag, I know it's too early maybe but I wanted to collect everything because as the time is progressing,  I am feeling a little drained...so it was better to gather everything while I can still shop without much discomfort....

Posting few pics
Credit goes to Akash :)

DIY printed baby sheet

I am so happy, I printed a cotton sheet for my baby...lately I have been making this stuff at home....there are certain things that I just wanted to do myself, like I wanted the first sheet were the baby will sleep all snuggled up for the first time to be made by me :) I even made a baby wrap ....all this keeps me well and busy and plus I get to communicate more with my child, and I believe this will strengthen our bond.... :)

Merry Christmas ♡♡

Motherhood

Today I woke up a bit late than usual at 9am....I felt some of leakage, initially I paid no attention, I thought it was just like that....but after a seconds it stuck me that it should not happen....I mean it could me fluid surrounding the baby and that really shook me up....earth below was shaken and I actually felt weak in my knees.....I told Akash and we headed to the hospital. We left home by 9.30 and to add up  to my worries, there was traffic congestion everywhere....roads were packed and it was really frustrating. I felt my heart beating in my ears...all sort of scary thoughts were just playing out in my mind.

We reached hosptal by 12 noon...my doctor examined and announced that there was nothing to worry as infection seems to be the cause of the discharge, she gave few pills and an told me to follow up after 3 days....   This feeling that your baby might be distressed really knocks the breath out of your lungs and the assurance that it is well and health really works like magic, it brings tears of joy and smile on your lips....I was relieved.

I have realised that motherhood is the most amazing thing that a woman experiences....its very difficult to explain the bond that you share with the tiny being in your belly but it makes you feel complete and more than any thing else a mother is always concerned about the safety and wellbeing of its child.

6th month...

Its my 6th month, things are going fine, my baby is moving and I feel the movements every now and then, it feels amazing :)  Baby is  growing and as the time will progress there will be less room for it....which I have already started to feel.....I feel occasional stretch in my abdomen...especially after meals. well dear baby I know its not that easy for you as well..

I am making a baby bed sheet, I learned this embroidery stuff in high school and thought of giving it a shot,  it looks preety fine..., it will be complete in few weeks. Guess what I am not alone in this motherhood journey, there is a pigeon hatching its beautiful eggs on our porch window....

Progressing..,,

I am in my 5th month now....feeling the changes in my body, it seems as if in an overnight my weight has increased, and the girth of my belly has increased too...I feel little unsteady may be beacuse of the shift of gravity....on the other note...my backache is lot better and so is my frequent urinary urgency, now I can sleep better at night. And I am eagerly waiting for my baby to be in my arms....I can't wait for that moment :) but I guess that's what this 9 months journey tells us; to be patient and let the baby grow inside...

This picture was gifted to me by my friend, Anshul, she is a wonderful artist and its her own creation, this is the most amazing,  heart warmimg gift that I have ever recieved....everytime I glance at this pic, I moist my eyes.....Thanks Anshul for this beautiful drawing.... I am going to frame this one :D

Up side down

Well hang on for a second!!!! Yes the title of my post is "up side down" it is so because darling my life seems to be so, well at least to me.... I am writing after a long time so you can very well imagine what I have been through...and I tell you...it was not easy at all...I am not exaggerating but this is true, let me simplify its for you:

#1- I had to resign from work-Persistent headaches, one was severe enough to drag me to ER at night, yes I was not able to maintain that so called 'work- life balance", was popping pills daily for headaches, this was a big concern for me, so I had to resign.

#2-We shifted house to Dwarka, yes it was hectic but the house is worth it, it is well ventilated, the way I wanted it to be.Nowadays I am busy in setting things up, which is keeping me busy.

About my pregnancy, i am in my 2nd trimester, my belly is swollen, my gait is changing to duck swaddling, I can't sleep at night...frequent trips to WC...

In between, by getting inspired by the wonderful ladies of "A beautiful mess", today I painted an old side table and its looks amazing !!!

Akash posing as superman :)

My tired self 

Pin art heart, trying my hands on :)

Wall art, Just came to my mind 

Old Table I was talking about.

Nowadays

Completed the foundation course, level of Hypnotherapy last weekend,  it was a 2 day course and was  very informative and enlightening. Many a times I felt as if this all happened for a reason, as I got to know very critical information about parenting which I think is very important at this time, about the time when a fetus is growing inside and I think that all that I learned will definately make a difference to the life of my child. Now I am looking forward to joining 2, 3 , and 4th level in September.   About my pregnancy, well most of the times I am not even aware of the fact that I am pregnant :) but lately I have started to feel nausea and loss of appetite, I feel lethargic and sleepy most of the times, I hope all goes well in coming days.

New chapter in my life

Beginning a new chapter in my life, yes...I m expecting, I missed by period and did a home test which came out to be positive, to be honest, I was bit scared initially, thousand thoughts just crossed my mind in that very fraction of second, I was happy as well, its a mix of both emotions, I woke Akash up from his sleep and showed him the test strip, it read two dark pink lines-Positive. He was happy, but sensed a bit of fear in my eyes, we talked about it,

I: Life is gonna change now,
He:  yes it will for sure, that's what life is all about,
I: I am bit scared, how will manage these 9 months and later on,
He:  you will, indeed very well, I am with you always. we do this together :)

Akash broke the news to his/mine folks, they were happy and ready with a list of Do's and Don'ts.

Today we had been to Obs doctor, choice of hospital and doctor was mine, as i was too jittery with whom I am gonna complete my 9 months journey, I chose Moolchand as I am comfortable with the hospital and doctors, had been there earlier. we entered the Doc's chamber, her question to me:

Doctor: So tell me,
I: I think I am expecting,
Doctor: Laughs, and says well that's a good news :)

She gave me few necessary supplements and general advice on things.

After that we went to a store "Mom & Me", I brought a pair of comfortable sandals and two maternity tops, peeked in other useful stuff as well, which will start to come-in in few months to follow.

I am thinking of starting a new routine now, including few things that I think are important now, like:
Daily prayers, meditation, and bit of exercise.

I thank god for making this happen to me and really need his blessings so that I be a better mom, whose heart is filled with love, compassion and lots of patience.I read one prayer today, which I have posted above.