Motherhood- Holy guacamole

Motherhood-Holy Guacamole

 When people tell you that it's the right time to have a baby, they are talking about your body and your age, but it's not just that. It's not just the age that matters while you are planning to have a baby, it's a mix of many things. Physical health, psychic component, right perspective about life is what all needs to be in place. 

Everyone knows that being a mother is not that easy, it demands a lot, after all, you have a life to nurture, to take care of, to teach about life and it's doings. It demands selfless love- literally.

 You need to be healthy to take care of your child. Health is wealth and who so ever had said that surely knew the blessing of a healthy life. If you are not well, you cannot give your 100 percent and wearing the motherhood shoes demands a lot of running around, and most of the time it is a one-legged race and the shoes are pretty heavy ones,

It is like juggling things, and the stuff you are busy juggling is most precious and delicate, and you cannot miss out any of it, all of it is very very important.

 I read a quote somewhere "I don't want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband" yes it's true. It will be you burning the nights and not expected to let the smoke out, you will have to keep it contained inside, initially, you do it but then it's not humanly possible, and some day it will just explode, fill up the air between you and your spouse and suffocate you guys unless one of you opens the window and lets the fresh air in so that you can breathe and see each other clearly again like you used to till the time the hypnotism is shaken off by a shrill baby cry and you rush again to the farthest corner of the room . It definitely is straining for the couples. 

It teaches you the intricate art of doing things with one hand because the other hand is busy holding the baby. 

Your social circles takes a toss:

 Your friend pings you; wanna grab a cup of coffee at 3.00 

You: yeah sure, oh no its baby's nap time, maybe some other time. 

Friend: Hey I was in your town, and you didn't call me up ( happened with me last week) 

You: Oh yeah, sorry, baby had a loose gut, so all I was doing was diaper change, diaper in bin, baby in cot, one more bout, then again diaper change, diaper in bin, baby in cot, one more bout, then again diaper change, diaper in cot, baby in bin....wait a second, did I say baby in bin? Aarrghhh....I am stressed out :( I hope you understand. 

Seriously when I am going out, my bag is full and loaded with baby wipes, diapers, extra clothing, baby food, water ....my stuff...I don't even know where I kept my shades, my wrist watch...phew who needs them anymore :o

 You are so tired to change into anything while going out and wearing yoga pants seems the best possible option and you have no complaints about that. Style quotient goes on a vacation :)

 Off diaper time is a warm jet of freshly brewed pee on your face, ahh! Refreshing. 

And when finally your baby is fast asleep, you are exhausted, you look like a drug addict...but then you marvel at the beauty, the innocence, the calmness on his face, your heart overflows with love, your eyes brim up with tears, you feel a lump in your throat and kiss that face and you thank God for the sweetest gift and if by any chance baby wakes up again..you are dead!! mind it...nobody should disturb a sleeping baby..

It's like that!!

A Prayer

Sometimes there is a lot going on inside,

A sea of questions surging high in a full moon night, calm otherwise but on certain nights, it surges high! Gently pulled but harshly pushed by silver glistening moonlight

A rolling thunder far far away, but loud enough to give you jitters,

A hurricane, mighty enough to cause an upheaval of otherwise well-tamed emotions.

When there is so much happening Inside, what do you do?

I PRAY!!

Budget Diaries - First in-First out & Shelf life (Project understanding the shelf life of Fruits and vegetables)

Budget Diaries - First in-First out & Shelf life (Project understanding the shelf life of Fruits and vegetables) 

In my yester years I thought, how boring it will be being a house maker, you got to do nothing, sit all day long, my this statement might invoke a reaction of anger in some people but that's what I used to think, but not any more, being a homemaker is the most crucial things of all, it's a whole department in itself, and like any other organisation or business, it too requires strategic planning, trust me! You need to have a roadmap, do timely reviews, check performance matrices, change the action plans if expenditures go overboard, manage finances, make Gantt charts and if you are modern house maker, the tech savvy one like me, you will want to keep all of it documented, for future references as well. That's what I figured out. At workplace we used follow a FIFO approach for our work volumes, meaning first in-first out, what comes first goes first, and that used to help us manage our work better with least chances of miss outs and escalations. That's what I have been doing with my vegetables now! We usually stock up a week's supply of veggies and earlier by the end of the week many times I used to throw some in the bin because it used to be rotten, yup! Disgusting right? But true, that's a lot of wastage. Not anymore, I am focusing this time on the shelf life and FIFO approach. Understanding shelf life makes it easier to focus on what to consume first so that you get a nutrient dense food, and there is no wastage also. Like I said, managing household is a whole science in itself, you got to know it, learn it, master it!

Budget Diaries - Bye bye Maid (Project Cleaning the house without a Maid)

Budget Diaries - Bye bye Maid

 (Project Cleaning the house without a Maid) 

 I have always made a list of things, penned down the ways I can smartly manage my home budget, cut down the unnecessary expenses and run the house efficiently, in spite of all the analysis, I have always ended up spending more and that too many times on trivial things. And now New Year has again pushed me to not just dot the I’s and cross the T's but to actual take steps in the right direction and get some tangible results. 

So to begin with my first smart move (although Akash is not convinced that this is a smart move because he thinks it is fugacious, that I won't be able to keep up with it and I am exhausting myself physically) was to bid farewell to my maid, who was with me since 1 1/2 year! I was not really happy with her work and was constantly annoyed the way she did stuff around the house, it seemed she used to gambol round the room rather than cleaning, there was no probity in her demeanour, that's why instead to getting annoyed and sabotaging my mental peace I said ¡Adios! to her. 

I will be saving some money and cleaning more efficiently off course! That was the first move....and I am really really happy, and as of now my spirit is indefatigable!

New Year New Start

New year New start

New year! I want to do things differently this year, make healthy choices, invest my time and money in fitness...I don't want to jump the gun here but yes I have been going for a walk early morning since a week now, started on 26th December, for past 1 week I did brisk walking for some 3.5 km's and today I increased my target goal to 4 km's, it wasn't easy though, after I completed my usual target of 3.5, I did felt little weak in my legs but then lady from my running app very softly whispered in my ears - You can do it, we are almost there ☺ and that sort of brought smile on my face, it cheered me up! And I went ahead to complete my goal. The best part is that I can track my every move, see my pace , my speed on the screen! How many kilometres I cover, that's why I choose a different route each day, what is the point of walking the same route, same bend, same curve daily, when I know where I am going to land at the end. Feels good to know that to some extent I have been able to over come my desire to snooze the alarm and slip under the covers for some more time, to over come the urge to not getting up, this was the biggest challenge for me, and I have awakened to the fact that -If we do what we can do, then God will do what we Can't ☺ and here I stand corrected! 

I am going to keep my faith and keep going! Because I am loving my matutinal ritual :)

What is life?

Tonight, as I write this post, I hear the clinking of the spoon in the kitchen, Akash is brewing coffee for me, It was a request from me for a cup of hot coffee... 

This clicking sound takes me far deeper in my thoughts, and I think, what is life?

It is being born

Being loved my your family

Making friends

falling in love

having to undergo heart breaks

sulking about being treated unfairly

Falling in love again

dreaming of a future

setting up  goals

working hard for achieving your goal

then realizing that not all your goals were realistic

feeling depressed

getting married

those initial years when love is in the air :)

having a baby

then everything about the baby, all the time baby baby  baby

ouch! occasional skirmishes over the baby

Well, that's what is happening in here right now ;)

My coffee is brewed and absolutely ready...I am going to gulp it down, lie in the arms of my sweetheart, close my eyes, and stop the tape that is playing out in my head, that says, "what is life? :)

Good night!!

My 32nd Birthday

I turned 32 on November 8th. My friend Jo (Josna), (yep, that's what I call her now) gave me a wonderful surprise party. She arranged for a yummy cake, did all the decorations secretly at her place and then called me up on 3rd November to her apartment, I along with Vihaan went there as usual casually, and then what I saw just touched my heart, balloons, lighting, cakes, and music....I did wet my eyes, I was happy and at the same time also touched by her sweet gesture.

I had to leave for Jammu on 4th Nov, so she gave me surprise beforehand. 

some relationship's are just meant to be, no matter from where you are? or what are you are? when it click...it clicks..right? yes, that what is between two of us.

Spending time with her is the wonderful thing, at times we don't talk much about ourselves, it's just Kids and kids, but still it feel good to be together.

Thanks Jo for this gesture, I will cherish it for the lifetime, and I am saving it here in my blog forever!

The day I chose to "Just be" Myself

It seemed as if a bunch of stray cats had barged in my house and ransacked everything. There were toys all the floor, a tea cup lying on the table, spilled tea all over the tablecloth, some had already trickled down on the floor, pile of washed clothes that I had gathered from the cloth line were lying in a heap on the dining table as well, house was a total mess, 

It happened twice that I pulled myself together to clean everything up, but every time I tried doing so, Vihaan would come and scatter toys all over again and then run towards the farthest end of the room,  it seemed to me as if he was enjoying all of it, he had sensed my distress and was trying to be funny, maybe to cheer me up...I left everything there as it is and curled myself up on our pistachio green couch, just like a ball of fur, I lay there motionless....there was an invisible compulsive thread that seemed to pull my feet forward, trying to make me stand again and clear the mess, but a more strong, invincible thread pulled my back more deeper into the couch, not letting me go. 

That's when I simply, chose to just be, let things be the way they are, toys all over, spilled tea on the floor, and the heap of clothes on the table, I called Vihaan and the little one just came running towards me with full of energy....we both lay there playing our favourite game, "This little  piggy"

Sometimes it just feels great to not take the load of everything around, and sometimes "messy people are the happy  people "

161-186/365 and life lately

161-186/365

I don't know from where to start, It has been a whole month and I haven't blogged, haven't clicked many pictures, life has happened pretty fast here!!

Firstly, My little boy has started his day care for an hour, yes!! he spends an hour without me at his day care, an hour!! Ahh!! when I say that, I feel a little sink in my heart, a flutter, how that happened, how we both transitioned, and how nicely both of us are doing it!!  You enjoy being there, initially you did cry and so did I, silently behind the locked door in the corridor, we both felt a piece of our heart being taken away, but then soon things turned around, that tells me ,you are my big beaming boy and I am your strong mamma , God bless you.

secondly, I am back to work again :)    .....yes!! and that's the reason why I am not getting to blog lately, I will figure out how to run the show, how to manage my time effectively so that everything gets due attention but for now I am struggling to find time to click pictures and blog, and it breaks my heart a tiny bit, we both were doing a great job of capturing our precious, loving moments, Trust me we will bounce back soon, pretty soon, till then please bear with me !!

Around Here-Calming my mind

Around here-Calming my mind

Immersed in silent contemplation, thinking about life in general, my course, motherhood, and what's coming ahead!!  Like the weather outside, my semblance also seems to be soggy, muggy !! may be it is the effect of the weather, can be!!  After all I tend to gravitate towards nature, It definitely affects my selfhood, my epseity!!

I feel I am not doing a great job of documenting 365 days of Vihaan, well it's not*- that this feeling is recent, it keeps happening to me ever so often, sporadically, I go down the hill!!  why?? because mind (brain) is never at rest..... thinking all the time...or to put it precisely...it's on auto thinking mode....made up of some billion of  neurons, that are ever so excitable, working tirelessly, transmitting impulses (Thoughts) among each other...some times excited...sometimes sad....sometimes pepped up...transmitting signals effectively....sometimes delayed and bit laid back...but working 24/7!!

so while I am in this auto thinking mode, Vihaan is playing nearby, busy with his toys but also checking on me every few minutes...and smiling.... intoxicating my senses with his loveliness !!

I close my eyes...try to free calm my mind, my neurons for a brief time period, I chose to sit in the Padma asana (Lotus pose) and  I bring my palm together, in the Namaskar pose, thanking almighty, the supreme lord, for the sanity still  left in me, for the hope that is baffled but persistent in the existence...submersed in the gratitude surrounded the cool air by the continuously rotating ceiling fan, that sets the otherwise still air in the room into the motion, housed by the walls painted in the shade of chrysanthemum 4002, I feel a light tug at my right elbow, it's Vihaan, I open my eyes and for a brief moment I feel disoriented...Vihaan is looking at me with curious face...he has not seen me like this before, i know I am done for the day :)

Sun is setting, far far away, in the valley... the cattles may have come back by themselves..

it is a warm evening and both of us are pleasantly tired with our day long chores, I fill the Vihaan's bathing tub with cool fresh water, he gently and happily immerses his right foot into the cool clear water,  I see the visible excitement on his face and I pray

May he always be a happy chirpy soul!!

Messy hair diary

Messy hair diary:

Imagine this: you got to go out, everything is ready and perfect and you are all set to shine but then you look at your hair, all messy, frizzy, unruly, euuuuhh!! That’s my story, it has always been that way since my yester years but lately after delivery and this journey into motherhood, it has become all the more grubby, disheveled, and to be honest enough, I  haven’t tended to them also, I haven’t cared enough, no oiling, no proper conditioning, nothing much!! Hmmm where is the time to do all that…I comb them, well that seems enough.  I have been thinking of possible solution to my messy hair story, questioning and counter questioning all in my mind:

Let’s go for a haircut?

We can but what if it turns out to be utter disaster, makes it even more unmanageable,  what will I do then??  no let’s consider other options first. So Haircut!!

Ok, the how about hair straightening/smoothing therapy?

Well  

A) it’s expensive and

B) They are going to apply so many smelly chemicals on my head, and the aftercare is heck!! just too much,

 so a big NOOO, hair straightening/smoothing therapy

What are my options here?? a bit of care, oiling, and conditioning, can work wonders, let’s try that first….it will not happen overnight i know, A lot of care and disciplined regimen is what I need for now!! after all I have no other choice !!

And while I have come to the end of this post, I have convinced Akash to give me a coconut oil head massage ;) so got to go  :)

Have a happy weekend!!

Around Here

Empty spaces, hollow voices, sweat beads crumpled on my upper lip and very uneasy restless me! That’s who I am lately!! Ever since I have returned from Kashmir....  I wake up unrefreshed from my sleep, for many hours I am insomniac and if at all I fall asleep then it is light and disturbed!! 

Everyday I open my laptop to write something but the moment I start, I feel the coldness of my fingers freezing the words , not letting them flow free,  they leave the fingers and loose their essence midway, rendering the thoughts lifeless, meaningless!! 

With disappointment I close the flap and retire to my couch, staring back again in the empty spaces, trying to listen to the hollow voices!!  I will bounce back I know, sooner or later, it’s just a phase I tell myself!! And I wipe away the beads of sweat from my upper lip!!

Where am I??

I wake up to the comfort of a familiar surroundings, Lofty wind pushes it way inside the room and fills me with a sense of calmness and comfort!! I am wide awake ....and happy for being that way!!

Earth is rotating slowly to complete one full rotation around the sun, and I am completely unaware about the rotation because I don't feel it anyway, I am too busy marveling at the beauty all around me, too happy to a part of it even though I know that it's not my reality anymore, that as the earth will keep rotating around the sun making days and nights and before I know , My day will be looking at me directly into the eye and mumbling, "it's time to go".

and even though i will pack my stuff with heavy heart,  get my luggage x-rayed for any potential threat to the airport authorities, take a boarding pass for the flight to Mumbai, a "PREEMINENT" part of my heart will always be in Kashmir, wandering in the wilderness, getting awaken by the crisp morning breeze every day...

I will always love you with the deepest core of my heart!!